sarahbear1821

Dang you vending machine, having those delicious looking fruit snacks in your window. I pay premium prices for your waist-expanding food. You increase my calories for just a couple minutes of pleasure.  Something else in there is starting to look good. I stick a piece of dynamite inside it, light it, then run and hide behind the doorway as I hear a huge explosion and pieces of glass and metal going everywhere. I laugh in satisfaction as I open the door and see the remnants of my enemies lying in thousands of pieces on the ground. Whew. That makes me feel better. Doh, there’s still the soda machine. I’m eyeing that delicious Pepsi, that cool, carbonated drink tasting oh so yummy and satisfying a craving that my mouth waters for. Luckily, I have some C4 lying around and I stick it against the front of the display and cause yet another explosion as a rainbow of soda sprays around the room.  Close call. I almost gave in again………..

I guess just wanting to look good doesn’t seem to be enough motivation for me to lose this weight. I enjoy eating, and working out takes time out of my computer play and tv watching. Which it seems I would rather be doing (I do enjoy my Sims). Come to find out, my husband and I was just told that we will have two weddings to go to next year, in which he is the best man for both of them. One is in the Bahamas, the other in Hawaii. The thought of me in a bikini and all the hot skinny women in their bikinis brings shivers down my spine. I remember better days, when I actually looked good in a bikini how great I felt in it. The warm sun on my stomach, and my skin turning a beautiful brown with that oh-so-sexy bikini tan line. Walking around in it with confidence. Now all I can think about is my cellulite and my stomach hanging over the bottoms. Oh so sad. I cannot go to places like that looking looking like I do now (at least happily). Something must change and it must be me. I just don’t understand how I hate how I look yet I continue to eat and be pretty lazy. It’s such a sad state. So I’m going to try anew - and just think about the sunny beaches the whole time I’m eating vegetables and working out. I’m looking for any sort of support - I’ve always tried to do this on my own - so buddy me!! It looks like my dog wants to go for a walk right now….hmmmm….its so hot out though…. Okay I’m going to go just because I said I have to change lol. See what sort of help I need?!! There’s something wrong with me I think. (I say as I eat a Fig Newton). Okay I’m going for a walk now before I change my mind. I’ll blog back later and tell you how it went.

*************************************************************************

Okay - thirty minute walk later and quick shower and I feel pretty good….. I’m a little warm but I’m sitting here with a bottle of water and plan to drink at least TWO more glasses of water before I go to bed. It actually wasn’t too hot out so the walk turned out to be okay. My dog was pulling me quite a bit though so I guess I’m going to have to tire him out first before we go because my hands are sore! It’s a good start. I was thinking I’ll try and find something healthy in the cupboards to eat. Which may be a whole other challenge in itself. lol. I need to buy some apples or something.

Well - in short I have been slowly gaining weight since I was about 19 years old. Probably about 5 lbs per year. I’m currently 38 lbs over my goal weight. 43 lbs if I was feeling motivated - but I’d be happy with 38 lbs off my body. So far in my life - vigorous exercise everyday and eating practically nothing has worked the best. I haven’t done that since I was about 19 when I got down to about 130 lbs and wore a size 6 jeans. I remember my best friend Heather and I doing our ’size 6 jeans’ dance in TJMaxx that day. Good times. Where I’m at right now - I’m tired a lot, I have stomach problems (daily pain), and I’m just plain unhappy with my body and all the clothes that I’m outgrowing. Right now I’m on Nexium for my stomach acid issues - but my other daily stomach problems are sort of just like constant bad stomachaches. Therefore I usually avoid foods that are hard on the stomach (spicy) or hard to digest (meat). This leaves me with a bunch of carbs, sugars, fruits, and vegetables. Almost a vegetarian. My problem is I dislike salad. I will eat it once in awhile - but it’s a very unsatisfying meal for me. The lettuce can be a little hard on my stomach to digest too. I’m usually hungry again no more than an hour later - which will bring me back to the sugary/carb-loaded foods. I have found an awesome salad at Panera - their seasonal strawberry poppyseed salad is absolutely delish. Crisp romaine lettuce (my favorite kind), fresh strawberries, blueberries, pineapple tidbits, Mandarin oranges, pecans and fat-free reduced sugar Poppyseed dressing. I love it I love it - but to make it myself…..I need the dressing recipe. I’m looking for support from my friends and family - just to talk about it and share tips and ideas and things like that. I’m considering going on a mainly vegetarian diet - since I rarely eat meat anyways - but I really wouldn’t know where to start. And what the heck does tofu taste like?? That stuff scares me a little bit.